“I wish we could unschool… BUT school is necessary for us”…
Usually this statement is followed up by a person explaining their circumstances, I suppose hoping I will commiserate with their perception of their reality as though I even have the authority (or desire) to condemn a child to school, whatever the situation may be. Unfortunately, beyond that limitation in my capability, the specific barriers one faces that prevents them from unschooling or the reasons one feels compels them to school have basically no impact on what compulsory education is.
Your necessity, however valid it personally feels, does not have the ability to alter the core that is compulsory education; a child in a situation without their consent. It is like suggesting the necessity of formula somehow alters its molecular structure for that particular user… but choosing something, even with the best of intentions, isn’t magic and cannot change reality. In regards to schooling, you can work hard to mitigate damage, if you have a deep awareness and acknowledgement of such (plus a whole lot of time and energy directed at the wrong person’s growth) but at the end of the day, it’s still school and your child is still required to be there whether they desire to or not. And I just can’t comprehend that being ideal.
See, unless your child is choosing to use compulsory education as tool in their own journey, school is a (not very effective) solution to YOUR problems, YOUR barriers, YOUR fears. And an uncomfortable question may be; why then should a child shoulder the responsibility of solving them, facing the concessions and consequences of a choice they never made? It’s like forcing a jumper onto somebody because you feel cold; perhaps comforting for you but completely irrelevant and uncomfortable for the person who had no want or need for a jumper. The dynamic of a relationship whereby one party expects the other to resolve their issues at their own expense is not a healthy one.
As a society we need ways of ensuring people have their needs met without being forced to invest unreasonably long hours generally in personally unfulfilling avenues, as a society we need safe spaces for children to be when they cannot be cared for by their immediate community, as a society we need awareness of the value in a varied and vibrant world of skills and knowledge (and the reality that this need not reside in one and every individual) but the systems of compulsory education doesn’t actually address these things! They don’t dismantle the global capitalist economy that chases raised profit instead of raised standards of living for all, they are not safe spaces for all children (or any within my definition of safety) and they do not honour the spectrum of human experience in even the slightest sense. Schools are not a necessity when we actually focus on resolving the specific issues people face.
So when is school ideal? Perhaps the question isn’t when but for whom? And the overwhelming reality is when the child is denied the right to choose it’s anybody but the child. It is not to suggest that your barriers or fears are simple things to sit with or work through but then having to endure a childhood caged isn’t so simple either…
And I hear you, schools are shifting… they keep trying to arbitrarily inject them with all that we hope for children and their childhood; inspiration, curiosity, wonder, contentment, connection to themselves, others and the world… but think about it; if you began with those values in mind and created an image from it? It would never be a classroom, it would never be school.