I get my share of comments expressing concern at what I write and how I write it. They’ll tell me that the way I write now shows talent and promise but is ostracising. They’ll explain to me that if I changed a few things, I would reach more people.
The thing is, I don’t have that goal. I’m not trying to be popular. I want to connect with people, of course but authentically.
I’m trying to be honest.
And if I dilute my messages in an attempt to be more palatable? They wouldn’t be mine anymore. They wouldn’t be genuine.
Why would I want to resonate with more people through words I didn’t believe in?
This isn’t a concept that is new to me or unique to my blogging. I’ve kind of always been one of those confronting, uncomfortable people.
I’ve always been invited to change.
I’ve always been told I have potential. But the way I’m using it is not ideal.
I suppose my opinion on ideal isn’t relevant?
You know how there are those people in the world, the ones they say bring out the best in people. Well I was once described as bringing out the pain in people. Not quite as charming.
I tend to draw to the surface all those things people try to bury, that people are afraid to think about and to feel. And I truly believe this is helpful, I think honesty is kind. Because things don’t stay buried, they float and no matter how often we try to push them below the water, they keep bobbing back up. Needling away at us. They want our attention. And I believe that the way past pain is through it.
But that isn’t easy. And it isn’t anything like how we have ever been shown or welcomed to handle pain and discomfort.
So they come to me and tell me all the ways that my existence hurts them, they push me to resolve that. People are not always ready to face their misalignment personally. I understand. That’s their prerogative.
But it is not my responsibility to bridge their gaps.
There was a time where people would tell me to be less me because I made them uncomfortable and I would hear them. I lived uncomfortably in my own skin for people who loved me conditionally.
They wanted me to validate their ideals but they wanted me to do so by invalidating my own.
Never again. People don’t have to like me, they don’t have to spend time with me and my thoughts and my choices, they have the option to walk away.
But I can’t leave me. So I choose to exist in the spaces where I will like me.
I don’t need advice on how to stop making people uncomfortable at the expense of my comfort with myself, I know very well how to do that; I’m actively choosing not to.
Who I am might not be for everyone and that’s okay, it’s not meant to be; it’s for me.
And perhaps if more people lived that, they wouldn’t find my existence so confronting.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ― Mohandas Gandhi