If I Make You Uncomfortable

I get my share of comments expressing concern at what I write and how I write it. They’ll tell me that the way I write now shows talent and promise but is ostracising. They’ll explain to me that if I changed a few things, I would reach more people.

The thing is, I don’t have that goal. I’m not trying to be popular. I want to connect with people, of course but authentically.

I’m trying to be honest.

And if I dilute my messages in an attempt to be more palatable? They wouldn’t be mine anymore. They wouldn’t be genuine.

Why would I want to resonate with more people through words I didn’t believe in?

This isn’t a concept that is new to me or unique to my blogging. I’ve kind of always been one of those confronting, uncomfortable people.

I’ve always been invited to change.

I’ve always been told I have potential. But the way I’m using it is not ideal.

Thanks?

I suppose my opinion on ideal isn’t relevant?

You know how there are those people in the world, the ones they say bring out the best in people. Well I was once described as bringing out the pain in people. Not quite as charming.

I tend to draw to the surface all those things people try to bury, that people are afraid to think about and to feel. And I truly believe this is helpful, I think honesty is kind. Because things don’t stay buried, they float and no matter how often we try to push them below the water, they keep bobbing back up. Needling away at us. They want our attention. And I believe that the way past pain is through it.

But that isn’t easy. And it isn’t anything like how we have ever been shown or welcomed to handle pain and discomfort.

So they come to me and tell me all the ways that my existence hurts them, they push me to resolve that. People are not always ready to face their misalignment personally. I understand. That’s their prerogative.

But it is not my responsibility to bridge their gaps.

There was a time where people would tell me to be less me because I made them uncomfortable and I would hear them. I lived uncomfortably in my own skin for people who loved me conditionally.

They wanted me to validate their ideals but they wanted me to do so by invalidating my own.

Never again. People don’t have to like me, they don’t have to spend time with me and my thoughts and my choices, they have the option to walk away.

But I can’t leave me. So I choose to exist in the spaces where I will like me.

I don’t need advice on how to stop making people uncomfortable at the expense of my comfort with myself, I know very well how to do that; I’m actively choosing not to.

Who I am might not be for everyone and that’s okay, it’s not meant to be; it’s for me.

And perhaps if more people lived that, they wouldn’t find my existence so confronting.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ― Mohandas Gandhi

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15 Comments

  1. I don’t know how you do it but you always seem to post something I’m thinking about! Personally I enjoy being challenged, and I appreciate and respect you writing authentically. I’ve always thought a little differently from those around me, my friends growing up, my family but often I did not have the confidence to back it up. I hate to hurt people’s feelings, it causes me pain but in the last year or so, I’ve started to think that it is really important that my kids see me being my genuine self, at all times, even if it makes others feel a bit uncomfortable.
    If we don’t say what we think, if we always sit on fences protecting everyone else, we will never make the changes we need to, and we will never live a truly authentic life. I actually really admire your writing. I personally can’t be bothered just to read stuff that doesn’t stretch me a bit. I live to be better all the time, to be a better parent, a better person. We must stretch our thinking otherwise we will never grow x

    1. Oh that’s very convenient haha. What are you thinking about today? I’m trying to figure out what direction to go in for tonight’s post 😉

      I also really do not want to hurt people. I try to remember that the hurt is already there; I didn’t cause it. I’m just not enabling them to ignore it.

      Thank you so much for your kind words!

  2. 100%! The articles I am most proud of are always the least popular – for example challenging childism, about body autonomy or how to cope with parental anger. But people love my posts about capsule wardrobes etc, which I just throw in to mix it up a bit…

    1. Yes, I find this also. It sometimes feels like minimalism keeps this blog alive (don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy those posts too) but freedom is my everything, it is what keeps me alive <3

  3. Hi there I regularly go through all ur posts and I love the way u do things reading ur posts are part of my routine now,but I want to request u for one particular post that is have u ever imagined ur child in school??I have missed reading it I want to read that because i learn a lot from ur experiences can u please share it….I will b glad…Thanks a lot in advance..

  4. Wow! Lets just say I loved this so much that I actually took time to comment. And I am posting it with out any thought of backing out. That was amazing. Thank you.

  5. I get so much comfort and courage from your writing Jessica, I am glad you have no intention in changing (for others). Thank you.

  6. OMG—I am always being invited to change…..
    Please come sit on my couch with me and let us expand on that or sit in comfortable silence of shared knowing.

    So glad I found you.
    xo,
    Magda Gee

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