I’m raising entitled kids. People are constantly warning me but I actually already knew.
My children, like all children and all people are entitled to certain things.
My children are entitled to ownership over their mind, body, time and property. It is for them to determine what happens in regards to each of these things, as long as it does not infringe on another’s ability to do the same.
They have personal agency of thought. They decide what they think. They decide what they need or want to learn, how that will occur and to what end. This is not necessarily always a conscious process but their natural inclination for learning is protected from the bias, influence and expectations of schooling and other forms on indoctrination.
They are in control of what happens to their body. They make decisions regarding personal care and personal expression. This includes making choices regarding food, sleep, hygiene, hair and clothing. This also means they are not obligated to share physical affection with anybody.
My children decide how they spend their time. They do not have restrictions on certain activities nor expectations regarding completing certain tasks. They decide who they are comfortable sharing their time with.
My children make decisions relating to the use of their property. This includes deciding when they are comfortable for it to be used by somebody else and the conditions of that use. This also includes making choices surrounding what to own or if they wish to stop owning it.
Short Circuiting Control
The Self-Regulation Lie
The Boundaries Kids Really Need
I’m Not A Permissive Parent
You Don’t HAVE To Do Anything
Bodily Autonomy — Racheous
Freedom Is Not Conditional: 8 Ways to Tell If You’re Respecting Your Child’s Autonomy — Happiness is here
My children are entitled to an opinion. My children are invited to speak to their preferences and have them honoured when possible. My children are able to disagree with something I have expressed and we discuss to come to a solution that suits us both together. My children have a right to say no.
My children are entitled to their emotions. How they feel about something is for them to determine and express (as long as it is not hurting somebody). It is not for anybody else to decide whether their emotional response is proportionate or appropriate. Their emotions are met with empathy; validation of their feelings does not come at the expense of another’s perspective. For example, another child is allowed to enact their agency to play a different game than mine and my child is allowed to feel upset. I am allowed to decide what happens to my property and my child is allowed to feel frustrated by my choice. Two realities can exist concurrently, you can respect the personal boundaries of yourself or others and have empathy at the same time.
Parenting in Public
What if Tantrums Don’t Actually Exist — Happiness is here
5 Ways We Undermine Empathy Development in Children — Happiness is here
10 Things to Say Instead of ‘Stop Crying’ — Happiness is here
Children Don’t Want To Hear “It’s Okay” — Racheous
It Matters To Them — Racheous
How To Respectfully Distract Children — Racheous
My children are entitled to information. They deserve our honesty and to know the reality of what to expect. This should be reactive when they ask questions; such as how babies are made and also preemptive when something is about to happen that effects them; such as a dental procedure. Consent is invalid if it is gained under false pretences, children are entitled to make informed decisions.
My children are entitled to safety. This means they are entitled to an existence free from physical punishment and emotional manipulation. They are entitled to an existence unburdened by arbitrary consequences and conditions. They are not required to earn their safety by means of obedience, it is something they deserve unconditionally. They are not obliged to spend time in places or with people they do not feel comfortable with.
When Respectful Parenting Doesn’t Work
Echos of Memories
You Do Not Have the Right to Hit Your Child — Happiness is here
What I learned being hit as a child — Racheous
What DO We Do Then? — Racheous
My children are entitled to parental care. This means that their needs are met to the best of our ability, regardless of convenience or arbitrary factors such as age, gender, behaviour or ability. Being capable of undertaking a task independently does not discount the legitimacy of asking for help in the same way it wouldn’t for an adult. There is no reason to prevent myself from assisting when I have the means to; forced independence is not independence, it’s survival.
My children are entitled to privacy. They can have thoughts and experiences that are for them alone. They are not obligated to share anything with anybody, it is for them to decide their level of comfort doing so. Nobody has the right to use their image or words publicly without their consent. Nobody has the right to invade their privacy such as reading a diary.
My children are entitled to acceptance. They are entitled to understanding when they make mistakes and support to resolve them. They are not obligated to conform to the expectations and standards of others. They have the right to decide the expression of their existence. They are supported to be who they are; no timelines, no behaviour modification, no shame.
So often, children are punished for being human. Children are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes, yet we adults have them all the time! We think if we don’t nip it in the bud, it will escalate and we will lose control. Let go of that unfounded fear and give your child permission to be human. We all have days like that. None of us are perfect, and we must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves. — Rebecca Eanes
Essentially, my children are entitled to their humanity. And I wish for them to always deeply know their rights and their worth. So if you’re wondering if respectful parenting is raising entitled children? Well, I hope so.